Saturday, December 8, 2012

Shivering Soul

I can't stand the cold mornings for long... It can't be denied, it's December. Some people started looking through their Christmas wish lists. They started filling up the shoe boxes to be given away. Me? Well, just like what a friend of mine says, I don't need to wish, I have my God who will supply my needs. Make sense, isn't it? I might be physically shivering because of the cold December winds, emotionally I am shivering too for unknown reason at all. I have this anxiety within me that is so hard to explain. I am not sure if what I felt is normal for other first-time Mom out there. I just cannot control my fears, my worries. Trusting God seems easier said than done (Oops sorry! here goes the pessimistic me again). Honestly, I am still crossing my fingers that God will eventually hear my prayers. He is the God of order and the God of perfect timing. I should live to that.

This morning, I heard from a friend that others already have the things that I've been praying for and she's asking me if I received the same, I said NO. And it left me wondering why. Yes, why oh why? I thought I will always be the head and not the tail. I just cannot understand Lord. Until now I am still in the midst of confusions.I just hope that before this month will end, Your answer to my prayer will be clearer enough. Please enlighten me.

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Wednesday, November 28, 2012

The Joy of Being A Mom

I am a Mom who wants nothing but the best for my baby. But I do have my limitations. I know if still have a long way to go. I wanna be an ideal Mom to my baby. Maybe not as tough as my own Mom nor as lenient as my granny. I just wanna be my son's best friend when he grow up aside from being a loving and considerate mother. I want him to feel how I will value him not only as my son but as a person as well. Jeush Gregory gave me that kind of fulfilment that is indescribable. His smile, his giggles, his tantrums and everything about him are worthy to be treasured. Lord, You knew the desire of my heart for my son. It is my prayer that he will walk his path in accordance to Your will. 

Monday, November 26, 2012

Dance With My Father

♫ Back when I was a child, before life removed all the innocence My father would lift me high and dance with my mother and me and then Spin me around ‘til I fell asleepThen up the stairs he would carry me And I knew for sure I was lovedIf I could get another chance, another walk, another dance with him I’d play a song that would never, ever end How I’d love, love, love To dance with my father again When I and my mother would disagreeTo get my way, I would run from her to him He’d make me laugh just to comfort meThen finally make me do just what my mama saidLater that night when I was asleepHe left a dollar under my sheetNever dreamed that he would be gone from meIf I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with himI’d play a song that would never, ever end‘Cause I’d love, love, loveTo dance with my father again Sometimes I’d listen outside her door And I’d hear how my mother cried for him I pray for her even more than meI pray for her even more than me I know I’m praying for much too much But could you send back the only man she lovedI know you don’t do it usually But dear Lord she’s dyingTo dance with my father againEvery night I fall asleep and this is all I ever dream ♫ ♪
Me and my sister love this song so much especially the version of Jessica Sanchez (Original by Luther Vandross). However, I just cannot relate with the song. How I wish I have such kind of a father. I grew up without him. I only find that father-figure through my late Tatay. My biological father has the time of his life when he was still on his younger years. He married my Mom at an early age, got separated few years after our 6th sibling was born, married again to different women, expanded his territory by having more offspring and most of them I don't even got the chance to meet.

I used to hate him for being him. I used to blame him for every fears and misery that I've been through.However, God's Words prompted me one day. I've been struggling much in the area of forgiveness. Yet I was reminded of myself, being imperfect. I may not get to choose my parents, but God uses them as an instrument for my existence. Then I resolve it to myself, I should not hate him anymore.

The other night, we have a very long phone conversation. I told him how I truly felt about him. He accepted everything. He admit all his mistakes then he asked me this one question, "Nak, do you hate me?". I told him frankly, that I don't dwell on it anymore. If I ever hated him then I would never dare to call him. Then he laugh. I can feel a sigh of relief on the other line. But i told him as well that hatred was no longer overwhelming me yet I cannot feel any real connection anymore with him. I explained it to him. He seems to understand. And the line was cut off. He warned me earlier that his phone battery was about to drain but he asked me to continue to talk. 

I really don't get to miss him anymore. But one thing is for sure, I am still thankful with him. For without him, I won't exist.And no matter how would i deny him, in the eyes of God, HE IS STILL MY FATHER.

I may have the chance to dance with him, if not now, maybe tomorrow or in the coming days... Maybe not in reality, perhaps in one of my dreams...Well, the song was the exact opposite but still how I wish that someday, my own daughter (if God permits to grant me one) will sing this song to his dad.


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Sunday, November 25, 2012

Louis Vuitton Handbags Outlet Has Best Products At Reasonable Cost

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Thursday, November 22, 2012

Health Advocacy: Donate To Cancer Research

Health is wealth. This is already a common cliché yet it remains as the absolute truth. No one wants to get infected with any diseases especially those which are considered as life-threatening conditions such as CANCER. For me, cancer is not only dreadful to hear; it is also very disheartening especially if the one being affected is someone whom we know or rather close to us. Why do some cancer patients were not able to survive? It is because they lack medication or maybe because the cure wasn’t founded yet that is why they remain with such horrible condition waiting for the cancer cells to eat them up and finally lose the battle of survival.

With the growing development in medical research, cancer can be cured. It just needs ample time and enough resources to make such research. That is why we should be thankful for those medical scientists who spend their time, effort and skills in finding the cure of a certain cancer problems such as breast cancer which affects women worldwide. As a citizen, we could take part in finding that cure by giving our resources. We should be thankful that we are spared from this kind of disease and in our gratefulness; we can be of help to the medical scientist who pursue this cause. Why not donate to cancer research so that their finding will be hastened which could benefit all our affected brethren out there. We might not have that expertise in doing clinical research but we can still be a part of this life-saving project by being a donor. For more info, visit This website is designed to advocate for and fund clinical trials and medical research projects. Start making a worthwhile advocacy, join them now. 

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Monday, November 19, 2012

Trending Issue: "Amalayer"

At first I was totally clueless about this trending issue that swarmed my Facebook notifications.I thought it was just a local movie that hits the interest of the majority. As I went through those comments from one of my friends who post this topic, I just learned then that it was all about the rude female passenger who just have the best time of her life by being rude to the lady guard of LRT. 

Attitude do really matters but some just don't realized it. It's so disheartening to think that those who claimed to have achieve something are the same people who acted like they do not know the standard of behavior especially in public. This was the second time that an act like this was caught on video by some concerned citizen. Well, just like what happened to the man who bullied the traffic enforcer, it was now "Amalayers" time to face theconsequences of her untoward behavior.

Lesson learned: Always be kind to others, no matter what.

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