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Wednesday, August 12, 2009

Codependency...


I read this article on the link given below and wOw, it seems like I was reminded again of the things that I should be doing.... as well as the things I should stop doing.

"A funny thing about codependency is that when you are so focused on another they become focused on themselves, too."

Sharon Wegscheider-Cruse, describes co-dependency as"a specific condition that is characterized by preoccupation and extreme dependence — emotionally, socially and sometimes physically — on a person or object. Eventually, this dependency on another person [or object] becomes a pathological condition that affects the co-dependent in all other relationships"

Co-dependence is a term that has been widely used in the last 10 years to describe relationships without clear boundaries. The concept of co-dependence provides a useful framework for examining how we interact in relationships with others. Our culture portrays romantic love, in songs, television, and movies, as being a relationship in which the partners are inseparable, are nothing without each other, and one in which each partner derives her/his very sense of self from the other.


While portrayed as the ideal, this is actually a description of a very unhealthy relationship.

What is Co-dependency?

When my good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.

When my good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you.

When your struggles affect my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems or relieving your pain.

When my mental attention is focused on pleasing you.

When my mental attention is focused on protecting you.

When my mental attention is focused on manipulating you "to do it my way."

When my self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.

When my self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.

When my own hobbies and interests are put aside. My time is spent sharing your interests and hobbies.

When your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires as I feel you are a reflection of me.

When your behavior is dictated by my desires, as I feel you are a reflection of me.

When I am not aware of how I feel, I am aware of how you feel. I am not aware of what I want, I ask you what I want. If I am not aware, I assume.

When the dreams I have for my future are linked to you.

When my fear of rejection determines what I say or do.

When my fear of your anger determines what I say or do.

When I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.

When my social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.

When I put my values aside in order to connect with you.

When I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.

When the quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.

If this describes you, in your relationships,
(which mostly are true about me!) this is an area for potential growth. Becoming aware of it is the first, and most important step.

After awareness comes the opportunity for change.

- Skip, anonymous

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a112.htm

Indeed, too much of something is bad enough... and definitely, sometimes, love just ain't enough (as the song goes)...