New year, new hope, new aspirations. These were just some of those things that most of us would like to do as we face another year to live for. Perhaps last year we have gone through lots of setbacks, regrets, remorse and all those circumstances that really put us down. Most oftentimes when we are down, our spiritual walk goes along with it. I do not really know with you but as for me, it happened. I know God sees my heart, the attitude of my stubborn heart. Many times I've been struggling with it. I seek for a real answer but all the more I felt being lost. I have no one else to blame to but myself. I kept on asking God why I became so insensitive with His calling. I have lots of good things on my mind yet I failed to administer it. One failure after the other and I felt like my soul was already buried six feet below the ground. I tried to view things positively but my eyes were blinded with my emotion.
Have you been with that feeling that you were supposed to be in the midst of God's presence during Sunday worship but your mind was just wandering? Or have you tried to keep on telling yourself to read your Bible but suddenly your attention was caught by something else? You are completely aware how sick you are but you never seek for counsel nor do something about it? Have you also tried sharing the good news just like you used to do but suddenly you run out of words to say it. This is alarming, I know and honestly I felt so guilty about it. I cried before God for so many times asking Him to renew my heart, my spirit and rekindle the fire, the burning desire to make Him known that I once enjoyed. I am not saying that I turned my back completely to the truth, I just lost the desire and until now I am still trying to ask myself what I really want to do in my life. I know God is not happy with me now and my stubborn ways continue to bleed Him. What I need is complete revival, now at least I realize that my heart still longs for it.