Setbacks

Sometimes we are consumed with our thoughts and emotions. Oftentimes, they do not get along well with each other. In other words, we are in the state of confusion... I used to believe that something good is about to happen to me, I used to feel it though I cannot deny the fact that my mind does not agree with me. I am pessimistic by nature. I do not believe in fate nor in destiny. "Come what may" was the trend that I used to follow. However when I came across the word "faith" I decided to change my perspective in life. But it's not that easy as I thought it would be. My old belief used to haunt me, telling me that everything is about luck, a game of chance. At my age, I do not find myself emotionally stable, I do not consider myself mature. I do not even know what I really want in life. Frustrations is within my reach. I easily get discourage, I easily lose hope. I became overly sensitive. At work, I always aim for perfection but the more I strive for it, the more I am overwhelmed with challenges. They used to tell me I am good but deep inside I know I am a failure. Was my mind and heart pulling me down or I am just too perfectionist that I forgot my limitation as a human being? I felt so exhausted and yet accomplish only a few. I wonder what life would be if I stop dreaming? Maybe then and only then I can have that peace of mind that I long to have or maybe I just stop from expecting too much to ease the pain that it might caused me.I used to ask God what He really want for me. I used to ask Him to reveal all His plan He set for me. I used to claim His words in Jeremiah 29:11... but it seems like bleak and difficult.I am not questioning His Sovereignty, I just cannot comprehend (or maybe I just refused to do so). My impatience is pulling me down. I appeared to be strong yet deep inside I am lost. I just do not know what lies ahead of me. I cannot picture it out. I am emotionally disturbed. Have I done something that caused God to delay all His plans for me? Lately I felt so weak and helpless. I felt like giving up. There is something that I want but I just do know what exactly it was. I wish I could read God's mind but I was reminded that my thought is not His thought and my ways is not His ways. I have so many setbacks in life and frankly speaking, I do not know how to overcome it all.God must be silent for the reason which I do not know... Or maybe He just allow this to happen for the reason which (still) I do not know...

Pray for me.